Finding the Character to Marry – Part Zero

Dear Lindsey,

In Finding the Character to Marry (How to Find a Spouse), I featured advice from Stephen Davey about

“How to Find a Spouse.”

I later realized that I should have preceded that Letter with some important information, so I decided to have a “Part Zero” to the topic by stealing your dream of getting married.


I guess it is not “stealing” it if you already recognize to Whom our dreams belong.  Let me explain: Any time we have a dream that is ahead of wanting God’s will for our lives, it is not our dream to have.  Waiting for God to answer prayers for our future, while He waits for us to submit to His will, is us screaming “My will!” through tears, while He gently answers, “My will be done.” Being single and wanting desperately to be married is a struggle that seems so parallel to my own struggle with infertility. When we can get to the point of “Thy will, not my will be done,” we can become someone worthy of being married in His perfect timing, IF marriage is indeed His will.

A couple of verses come to mind:

Psalm 37:4 says,

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

As a single woman, I would have read that as, “Once I delight myself in God, He will give me a husband! and a family! –yay!”

As my Christian walk has matured, I have come to realize that once I delight myself in the Lord, all other dreams pale, and I am clay to be molded by the Potter’s hands, ready to serve in His capacity wherever that may be.

Be God-crazy, not boy-crazy

Before I talk more about “Finding a Spouse,” I cannot leave the subject behind that it is always possible that God has more of a plan for even you – as a single. Amy Carmichael would not have made the impact on the world, had she been boy-crazy instead of God-crazy. Katie Davis would not be currently making the impact on hundreds of orphans’ lives in Uganda if she had ignored her calling and stayed in the states for her American suburbia marriage dream instead. Corrie Ten Boom, as a married woman, would not have still lived with her father to make the impact on the Jews she was hiding during World War II, and the massive impact she would have on the world with her testimony of love beyond the concentration camp.  Her story of forgiving her captors and situation – even that which killed her father and sister – is a story of forgiving as Christ forgave, which I will never forget.

The unmarried Apostle Paul has this advice (in 1 Corinthians 7:34-35): 

 An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

Of course, with all that said, it is still possible that as you grow more God-crazy, God might be preparing just the right spouse for you, simultaneously!

In essence, whether single or married, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you more delight than you can imagine in anything else.” He has a plan!

Recognizing “Part Zero” of this letter (above) makes the need for “Part II” of this letter even less important. However given the current state of the dating scene in America, I feel compelled to go forward…in the next letter.

Have a blessed and “delightful” day,


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7 thoughts on “Finding the Character to Marry – Part Zero

  1. Terri,
    An old friend of mine named Chris just lost her battle with cancer and now worships in the Presence of God. I say this because when Chris took me under her wing to be my first Christian woman mentor (outside of my mother), what you said in your post was the advice she gave me.
    In the early to mid 1970’s, Chris recognized the influence the sexual revolution was starting to have on society, even in the Church. Her response was to take me (as the first of many young women she mentored) under her loving wing and steer me gently toward paths of Godliness and purity, as you have so well explained in this post.
    Thank you for using your influence to share it with this, and future, generations. May God bless your continued service to Him!

  2. I have loved every book I’ve read by/about Amy Carmichael and Katie Davis! MY will was to have a life like theirs, GOD’s will was for me to marry an amazing man named Clayton Pykiet. Funny, huh?

  3. Regarding the whole “Be God-crazy, not boy-crazy” idea, I’d like to offer another alternative. How about not being “crazy” at all? It’s great that faith is such an important part of life for some people, but I advise everyone I know out in the dating pool to think about whatever they are most passionate about and…take a breath. A person you have just met and whom you are only just getting to know does not want to see your “crazy,” whether you’re crazy about God, sports, DOCTOR WHO, gardening or whatever else strikes your fancy. Let that person get to know the you who is a sane and rational person who is fun to hang around with before you get all “crazy” with them about whatever your passion is. They are much more likely to see your passion as just another (maybe terrific) part of you if you’ve shown them more of the whole person before rolling out the “crazy.”

  4. Dear Teri,
    If I may respond respectfully to Jere, my son was witnessing at a Chick Fil A restaurant and a young lady listened, her back to his back. She liked what she heard from this God crazy young man sight unseen. They were married this summer.

  5. Oh Terri, I love your devotion to inspiring us singles 🙂 4.5 yrs single and God-crazy! I often used to question ‘what’s wrong with me?’ I used to envy my friends who are now married, have children and living out my dream only finding more disappointment in the ‘chase.’ I am now at perfect peace with being single and I know that if/when my spouse arrives, it will be because God set us up and no one else! Looking forward to part 2

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