In Finding the Character to Marry (How to Find a Spouse), I featured advice from Stephen Davey about
I later realized that I should have preceded that Letter with some important information, so I decided to have a “Part Zero” to the topic by stealing your dream of getting married.
I guess it is not “stealing” it if you already recognize to Whom our dreams belong. Let me explain: Any time we have a dream that is ahead of wanting God’s will for our lives, it is not our dream to have. Waiting for God to answer prayers for our future, while He waits for us to submit to His will, is us screaming “My will!” through tears, while He gently answers, “My will be done.” Being single and wanting desperately to be married is a struggle that seems so parallel to my own struggle with infertility. When we can get to the point of “Thy will, not my will be done,” we can become someone worthy of being married in His perfect timing, IF marriage is indeed His will.
A couple of verses come to mind:
Psalm 37:4 says,
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
As a single woman, I would have read that as, “Once I delight myself in God, He will give me a husband! and a family! –yay!”
As my Christian walk has matured, I have come to realize that once I delight myself in the Lord, all other dreams pale, and I am clay to be molded by the Potter’s hands, ready to serve in His capacity wherever that may be.
Be God-crazy, not boy-crazy
Before I talk more about “Finding a Spouse,” I cannot leave the subject behind that it is always possible that God has more of a plan for even you – as a single. Amy Carmichael would not have made the impact on the world, had she been boy-crazy instead of God-crazy. Katie Davis would not be currently making the impact on hundreds of orphans’ lives in Uganda if she had ignored her calling and stayed in the states for her American suburbia marriage dream instead. Corrie Ten Boom, as a married woman, would not have still lived with her father to make the impact on the Jews she was hiding during World War II, and the massive impact she would have on the world with her testimony of love beyond the concentration camp. Her story of forgiving her captors and situation – even that which killed her father and sister – is a story of forgiving as Christ forgave, which I will never forget.
The unmarried Apostle Paul has this advice (in 1 Corinthians 7:34-35):
An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
Of course, with all that said, it is still possible that as you grow more God-crazy, God might be preparing just the right spouse for you, simultaneously!
In essence, whether single or married, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you more delight than you can imagine in anything else.” He has a plan!
Recognizing “Part Zero” of this letter (above) makes the need for “Part II” of this letter even less important. However given the current state of the dating scene in America, I feel compelled to go forward…in the next letter.
Have a blessed and “delightful” day,
- Finding a Character to Marry (How to Find a Spouse) – Part I (and Part 2 and Part 3)
- 163 Miles North
- Are You a Basket Case?